Sunday, September 2, 2007

judge me, please.

i return from a long week in which things began, things ended, and i ate way too many cookies. as i sit here on the couch nursing my bruised ego after accidentally setting off my own car alarm, its plaintive bleating informing the entire world that no, i am not, in fact, cool in any way, i decided to post about a similarly ego-bruising experience that i have endured in silence for weeks. no more, i say!

i. hate. facebook's "compare people" application (and its new competitor "superlatives").

why? because while you might make "the sexiest person on facebook"'s day, you've inevitably insulted quite a few others who notice your decree and find that they are not, in fact, the sexiest person(s) on facebook. worse, how about being ranked #4 in most desirable of so-and-so's friends? oh, that's great. i'm not even a rebound. i'm a rererebound. thanks! some would say "hey, at least you made it in the top ten!" ...no. not cutting it for me.

i suppose these sorts of judgments are made by people every day. maybe you have a secret idea of which one of your friends is the smartest. to me, however, it's not that easy. i don't simply rank my friends in a static ordering of "smartest" or "hottest"...i try to, i don't know, appreciate each of my friends on their own merit, and recognize that a) i do not know every facet of every one of my friends and b) many people have different attributes, or different forms of the same attribute, that aren't directly comparable with those merits held by other friends. while a comparison of two people might come along every once in awhile, i can't say that i've ever tried to rank every one of my friends in comparison to one another...and even if i did, i sure wouldn't tell them about it.

really, it strikes me as purely heartless to have these things posted publicly on your profile. hey, guess what, i don't find you kissable! i didn't even bother to rank you amongst my most kissable friends! yeah, that's really the message i wanted to see when stalki--checking up on you. if you DO think that your roommate/best friend/significant other/person you have no chance with really is "the most dateable" of your friends, don't you think you could, uh, just...tell them? and not hurt my feelings? or does that information REALLY need to be shouted from the metaphorical rooftops?

now, maybe my opinion will change if i add the program (something i've continually refused to do) and find that someone has, in fact, named ME their most kissable/marriage-worthy/intelligent friend. who knows. even if one person thinks that, however, i'm pretty sure the competitor in me is still going to be pretty bummed about everyone else who felt the need to make it clear that they DON'T think i'm kissable/marriage-worthy/intelligent. and that's no fun.

so, please.

think before you superlative.

1 comment:

Prometheus said...

I can do your weekend story one worse. I only ever set a car alarm off once while I was in it. Or should I say, my (then) girlfriend and I were in it. And let's just say, we didn't feel like attracting any extra attention from passers-by.

Not the best time to realise you don't know how to turn the alarm off once it's going.