Saturday, August 25, 2007

crotch talk!

i have returned, dear hearts, with perhaps the trashiest post to date.

while bored in colorado, some friends and i were discussing the (swiftly passing) fad of scrolling LED belt buckles. seeing one in a mall, i decided i simply had to have a bright purple one with "bling" around the edges. upon purchasing this delightful accoutrement of self-expression, however, i found myself at a loss for things i could imagine my crotch wanting to say. thankfully, my friends stepped in, and we came up with the following list. please, feel free to add your own, or vote for what you'd like my crotch to say next.

note: it worries me that nearly all of these were offered by debaters at a christian school. their minds are DIRTIER THAN MINE!

wish you were here
$5 admission
tips accepted
must be this tall to enter/ride
please insert here
beaver dam
thank you, come again
no vacancy
trespassers will be shot
caution: slippery when wet
caution: contents may be hot
your mom was here (...?)
master debater (oh, i've never heard that one before)
cunning linguist (nor that one!)
pets welcome
keep off the lawn/carpet
now hiring all positions
picture yourself here
contents may have shifted during travel
maximum capacity: ...?
rogues do it from behind
true north [arrow down]
feed me a stray cat
objects may be closer than they appear
i can't get no satisfaction
open for business
i voted yes on panda sex (thanks, arkansas)
no lifeguard on duty
enter at your own risk
hungry? why wait?
just do it
have it your way
cave tours: apply within/reserve your spot today
caution: tunnel ahead
caution: protective gear required
we reserve the right to refuse service
may i be of service?
take a number
not all bushes are bad
druids do it like a bear
tastes like chicken
the other, other, OTHER white meat

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