Monday, August 27, 2007

badger badger badger

thank you, other gavin, for making my day with this news story.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

crotch talk!

i have returned, dear hearts, with perhaps the trashiest post to date.

while bored in colorado, some friends and i were discussing the (swiftly passing) fad of scrolling LED belt buckles. seeing one in a mall, i decided i simply had to have a bright purple one with "bling" around the edges. upon purchasing this delightful accoutrement of self-expression, however, i found myself at a loss for things i could imagine my crotch wanting to say. thankfully, my friends stepped in, and we came up with the following list. please, feel free to add your own, or vote for what you'd like my crotch to say next.

note: it worries me that nearly all of these were offered by debaters at a christian school. their minds are DIRTIER THAN MINE!

wish you were here
$5 admission
tips accepted
must be this tall to enter/ride
please insert here
beaver dam
thank you, come again
no vacancy
trespassers will be shot
caution: slippery when wet
caution: contents may be hot
your mom was here (...?)
master debater (oh, i've never heard that one before)
cunning linguist (nor that one!)
pets welcome
keep off the lawn/carpet
now hiring all positions
picture yourself here
contents may have shifted during travel
maximum capacity: ...?
rogues do it from behind
true north [arrow down]
feed me a stray cat
objects may be closer than they appear
i can't get no satisfaction
open for business
i voted yes on panda sex (thanks, arkansas)
no lifeguard on duty
enter at your own risk
hungry? why wait?
just do it
have it your way
cave tours: apply within/reserve your spot today
caution: tunnel ahead
caution: protective gear required
we reserve the right to refuse service
may i be of service?
take a number
not all bushes are bad
druids do it like a bear
tastes like chicken
the other, other, OTHER white meat

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

i'm embarrassed by how much this excited me.

it's so cool.

it's a KNIFE BLOCK without SLOTS!!!

you just cram the knives in anywhere you like!

and it HOLDS them!!!!!!

crazy little plastic or rubber or magical stalks are compressed in the middle, but separate to allow blades to enter.

seriously, just go to your nearest bed bath and beyond and play with one. it will change your life.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

reasons why i love my friends, part 2234906

c: i just madeup a word
it sounds like it could be a word

me: no it doesn't.

c: the socious part makes it sound real

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

moving day!

so, i am now more than halfway moved in to my new home! i'm in love with it more than ever, although there are a few things i still need to fix (like, you know, getting hot water there). also, since i don't have internet or phone service until saturday, i won't be officially moving in til the weekend. however, the majority of the moving was done today. i'll recap the highlights here.

1) i want to live in this trailer. it's the one right next to the storage compartment where most of my stuff has lived for the past year.

great, right? so great. wait, there's more, on the other side of the door (yes i know that rhome)...

i am too lazy to make it turn. turn your head. or your screen.

2) i dislike black widows. i dislike finding them in my furniture.

3) there is a rock formation that, by day, looks like a capybara humping a lizard. by night, however, it is clearly two beavers humping. i have thus christened it humping beaver ridge.

4) my Favorite Jeans Ever went from being perfectly whole this morning to having a small hole in the knee and another two in the thigh midway through the day to now having a giant rip exposing half of my knee. god, i hope i don't get kneeraped. i'd be asking for it.

5) internet and phone companies are terrifying quagmires of bureaucracy. i recommend vonage tentatively, however. will report more accurately once it's all installed.

6) i adore rich people. i have gotten for free in this move: one really nice brown suede couch (super comfy!), the aforementioned wardrobe that will transport me to narnia, a steamer trunk from the turn of the century, a large chest, a brown leather settee, a coffee table, an entertainment center, a ship's wheel, a globe, a scent diffuser, various cleaning supplies, a chrome dishrack, a brand new sonicare toothbrush, a wardrobe, a dresser, a playstation, a dreamcast, and a banana republic newsboy cap.

unfortunately, i look very dumb in this last item, so if you know any tough-but-adorable brooklyn kids who might be willing to rally their friends into forming a union while singing, dancing, and attacking their foes with marble slingshots, please let me know.

pictures may be provided of any and all of these things on request.

7) my parents are insane (see below) and, aside from the usual telling me how to decorate my place, also inform me to the tenth of the mile how far it is from major and not-so-major landmarks. like an intersection.

8) my particularly insane. he insisted on inserting himself into this picture to get advice on whether i should keep this super bizarre deco lamp that's evidently worth like $600. didn't know if it would go in my very vintage 50s kitchen with the suede couch and modern glass table next to it. yeah, i totally have a theme. it's vintage spaceship rockstar.

if anyone has comments, advice, or is willing to rotate my pictures for the small price of my admiration, go for it.